Saturday, April 28, 2012

Baby steps...

Since I've posted in this very short start to a personal blog. Changes have occurred in the last year - I'm no longer working and haven't for over a year. Not sure how much I miss tutoring and keep thinking that I made a big mistake to retire from substitute teaching instead of letting go of tutoring. That's all in the past now, so there's not much use thinking back on it, wishing it were different. I've just let go of so much anger, especially towards myself, yet the issue of my weight still hounds me. When I heard Aurora talk about their vacation, of course, I found myself wanting to go on one also. That's what happens whenever someone talks about something they do, did, or possibly will do. No, it's not that something similar wasn't already in my mind. I just bury these things, because the fear of actually working to accomplish them keeps me in a comfortable rut. 

One goal I've wanted to accomplish this year to renew my driver's license. I've said I'd only renew my CA ID because I don't want to drive. But that's not the truth. I'm just afraid to drive. I'm also feeling trapped by my inability to drive from not having a license. So many goals in my head and it's like a whirlwind. If I don't take baby steps and work on one goal at a time, I'll become frustrated and stop working on them altogether, since that's my m.o. 

Sometimes I wonder about my worth. Isn't this holding me back also? So, I need to let my mind go free and start believing in myself. I've already done some work in that direction. Okay, so I'm having trouble with social anxiety. I'll work on it with Dr. Turk or Yvonne. One thing I can't do is give up on myself - that's just too easy.
Besides working on renewing my license, I want to commit myself to blogging on a regular basis. This practice is for me - no one else. Chart my progress and my steps backward. Allow myself to see my progress, as there will be progress. I have learned through the years to move forward, if not in my actions, then in my thinking. 

This blog is for one else. but if it helps anyone else, then fine...  

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