I just realized today that what I'm working to accomplish at this time is the most difficult challenge I believe I've ever faced. Everything in my mind wants to run the other way. I don't want to exercise, but must commit myself to doing it. I don't want to go to work again, but know I need to do it so I can pay my school loans. I don't want to do anything... Okay, part of the difficulty is the social anxiety. I'll be talking to both Yvonne and Dr. T later this month. I'll also be seeing Dr. L, plus having a mammo.
I'm alright to go to some places, but others not so. Yeah, this is the biggest challenge I've faced. Not even the food worries me. It's the process of getting my mind and body in a different place and it sucks - or at least that's what it feels like. Just even getting my butt off the computer chair is not easy, but I hurt so much at the end of the day when I don't. The one thing that does help is wanting to go to church on Sundays. I got there last Sunday and I want to go again this coming Sunday...one Sunday at a time.
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