Monday, May 14, 2012

Moving forward...

Laurel Burch, one of my favorite designers. Yeah... And what is on this card means so much to me. Have I found my colors yet? Do I know what the sound of my colors are? Am I just one color or a rainbow of several? Where are the sounds of my colors? In my soul, and if so where is my soul? In my heart? If my heart's been broken countlessly, can it ever be fixed again? And how do I fix it?

Is loneliness a fatal disease - an illness that affects me in my depths, so that I don't know how to climb my way out. Too many times I have so many questions and few answers. Yet, there are times I know the answers and don't know which questions to ask.

Today I took a brave step, calling Prof. Tutors again. The chances of my being hired again - well, I know probably not great, but I had to attempt it. I think I want to go back to work, but doing what? Confusion here is massive. Time is running out - that's scary. I don't want to be afraid any more in my life, since I've been there too much.

1 - Get a dumb job here to pay my bills, like the school loans, hate it, but be off unemployment.
2 - Figure out how to move to a less expensive place and have more money to pay bills, but how to do it.
3 - Make money with the crafts of my writing - poetry & articles - and photography, but I'm just picking up on that again, so it's not moving too fast. How much money can I hope to make with it?

So much to talk about with Dr. T. Can I squeeze it all into the allotted time? Make a list.

Positive thought for the day: The more I stay off facebook, except for brief visits, the better I feel. Working on myself and my life is never wasted time.

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